


Gorgeous Murder Bear

by doingwords



Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 17:02:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5299268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doingwords/pseuds/doingwords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler and Summer think Kevin is gorgeous. Kevin isn’t sure if he should convince them otherwise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gorgeous Murder Bear

**Author's Note:**

> Mild body issue stuff. Takes place around the 11/23 RAW, when Tyler/Kevin teamed up for the first time on TV (they'd teamed up at NXT house shows before). On the following Smackdown, Kevin called himself "gorgeous" so I'd like to think this fic took place some time in between. 
> 
> Also, the “cuddly baby tapir” line is from Futurama, and Tyler somewhat references Anna Karenina, though I doubt he’s actually read it.

Kevin paced in the hallway outside gorilla position, swinging his arms back and forth as he waited for his cue. Tonight he and Tyler Breeze were facing Dolph Ziggler and Dean Ambrose, which meant more reckless offense than he was used to, but he’d spent enough times in the ring with Neville and that idiotic ginger Sami Zayn to know what to expect. He could hear the crowd on the other side of the curtain chanting “We the People” for Jack Swagger (why anyone would cheer for Jack, he had no clue), and expected the match to be over soon, especially since it was against Alberto, who was somehow even worse than Jack. 

To his left, Tyler held his selfie stick high as he and Summer admired themselves in his phone. He couldn’t understand why no one liked Tyler or Summer, as he’d never had a problem with them. It wasn’t like they were passive-aggressive, or dishonest, or fans of _The Secret_ —though he wasn’t sure if either of them had ever read a book. Perhaps their only character flaw was their impatience with stupid people, and he couldn’t fault them for something he was guilty of as well.

“Group selfie time, gorgeous people only!” And after Tyler shooed away techs, cameramen, and roving reporter Jojo, he said, “C’mon, Owens, get in the shot.”

Kevin ground to a halt and had to stop himself from asking ‘Really?’ because the only possible sentence that could be made using the words ‘Kevin Owens’ and ‘gorgeous’ is “Kevin Owens has no idea how to be gorgeous.” Intimidating, yes. Brutal, obviously. But he’s made his peace with the fact that he’ll never look like The Rock, and he’s glad he doesn’t really have to. Still, it wasn’t easy sharing a locker room with guys like Tyler and wondering where his own genes went wrong. But all right, Tyler wanted him in his selfie, and it would be rude to refuse.

He hid behind Tyler and Summer, giving the camera his best ‘I don’t give a fuck’ expression as the camera app on Tyler’s phone shot multiple pictures at once. He wasn’t ready for Tyler wanting even more pictures, though, or Summer shifting to see which pose flattered her best. And he definitely wasn’t ready for Summer leaning back against him and cradling the side of his face. As he was about to ask her what the hell she was doing, Summer turned toward him and flattened a hand over his chest, pressing her body closer and giving the phone a smoldering, over-the-shoulder look. It wasn’t every day an attractive woman touched him in such a brazen manner, and his thirteen-year-old self gave him so many mental high-fives his imaginary hand went numb, but he extracted himself from Summer’s everything nonetheless, his hand gently guiding hers down. “If you don’t mind. Out of respect for my wife.”

“Oh, okay.” Summer pouted, but complied. “Is she the jealous type?”

“Not really, but I don’t wanna give her reason to be.”

Summer brought her hand to her chest, her eyebrows arching in that overly sentimental way reminiscent of people watching cat videos. “Oh my God, you are _such_ a _sweetheart_. Tyler, isn’t he a sweetheart?”

Tyler smoothed a finger over his left eyebrow as he continued to stare at his reflection. “He’s a cuddly baby tapir.”

“A tapir.” Kevin had seen tapirs plenty of times, most recently at the Jacksonville Zoo with his family. All babies are cute, but if any adult animal could be called ‘uggo’ it’d be a tapir. “They look weird. Like if anteaters and rhinos had kids. I’m not a tapir.”

Tyler turned his head toward him, though his eyes never strayed from his phone. “What would you rather be, then? I’m a lion. Dear Summer is a gazelle.”

Kevin thought nothing of the fact that Tyler and Summer already knew which animals they identified as, or that at some point, they even had such a conversation. He absently tugged on his wrist tape, thinking out loud. “Don’t lions eat gazelles?” Kevin chuckled under his breath as he looked up, expression falling when he found Tyler and Summer sideways-glancing at each other, Tyler smirking and Summer giggling. Kevin made a face. “Ugh. Gross, guys.”

“You know what you should be?” Summer laid a friendly, non-gropey hand on his shoulder. “You should be a bear. Any bear, they’re all fabulous. A grizzly, or a black bear, or—” Summer oohed. “You have bears in Canada, right? You can be one of those.”

Despite his love for animals, Kevin never considered which animal he’d be if given the choice. “We have bears, yes. I guess a bear works in theory, but it kinda has a double meaning for guys like me, y’know?”

“What do you—” Summer tipped her head, her confusion lasting all of two seconds as her eyes widened with realization. “Ohh, noooo, you should run with that!” Summer laughed and clapped and shuffled in place, the click-clack of her high heels making her sound like some fashionable T-Rex. “You’re big and strong and hairy, that’s your thing! That’s _your_ brand of gorgeous.”

Kevin grimaced, unsure if he should entertain this conversation much longer. “I wouldn’t call bears ‘gorgeous’.” What he meant was, he wouldn’t call _himself_ gorgeous. 

Tyler, at last, pried his eyes off his phone and turned to him, his gaze traveling up and down his body, inspecting. In the back of his mind, Kevin had already devised three ways for Tyler to eat the pinfall in their match should he say anything stupid. “Owens, it’s like I always say: all gorgeous people are alike, and each gorgeous person is gorgeous in their own way.”

Kevin blinked, and for a long moment could do nothing but blink because Tyler’s answer was the opposite of what he expected. “That’s…” He needed time to process the content of Tyler’s words, so for now he focused on the words themselves. “You didn’t say that. I’m almost positive that’s from a book. A really famous book.” At least he had confirmation that Tyler knew what books were.

Not that it mattered, as Tyler exhaled with a hard slump of his shoulders. “My point _be-ing_ , Summer and I are gorgeous Travis Fimmel, Heidi Klum-esque supermodels.” The two of them tossed their hair at the same time, in the same direction, which was the most beautiful and ridiculous thing he’d seen today, possibly ever. “And you’re a gorgeous murder bear. _Own_ it.”

Gorgeous murder bear. He was iffy on the words ‘gorgeous’ and ‘bear,’ but he could work with ‘murder.’ But before he could dissect the description further, the bell rang, and that annoying Lilian Garcia announced Swagger’s victory. 

“Our selfie time is running low,” Tyler said, and he set the timer on his phone. “Come here, Summer Girl. You too, Owens.”

Kevin shook his head and stood behind Tyler and Summer, ready to get their obsessive picture-taking over with, but then the two of them parted and Tyler tugged him closer to the middle. Now they were in the frame from the waist up, and in spite of his hang-ups, Kevin pushed his shoulders back and tried his best to look okay.

“Perfect.” Tyler uploaded the picture to Instagram, then held his phone close to his mouth, tapping what Kevin soon realized was the talk-to-text function. “Ready to beat Dolph Ziggler and Dean Ambrose with the selfie stick, comma, they’ve already been beaten with the uggo stick, period.” Tyler checked his work, rolling his eyes with disgust as he started typing. “It never knows how to spell ‘uggo’.” 

Summer peeked over his shoulder, twisting a lock of hair around her finger. “Hashtag ‘Pretty Hurts’, hashtag ‘Team Gorgeous’!”

“Good one, Summer Lovin’.” And when Tyler was done, he showed Summer and Kevin the finished upload. “Look at this. Look how adorable we are.” 

Summer smoothed Tyler’s hair back over his head, cooing. “ _So_ cute!” She nudged the phone closer to Kevin, pointing. “Look at you, you’re hot fire.”

Seeing himself in a picture on Tyler’s phone, bookended by beauty, wasn’t as absurd as he thought it would be. He’d actually venture to say the three of them were criminally attractive together, and he in particular looked… good. ‘Murder bear’ good. “Not bad.”

“Not bad? Cara what’s-her-name's not bad, we are _lava_.” Tyler propped his selfie stick on his shoulder and smiled, which was a facial expression he didn’t know Tyler was capable of. “We should team up more often. Take this hideous locker room apart.”

And when Summer pulled him into a perfectly platonic sidehug, Kevin found himself smiling back. “Sure, why not.”


End file.
